B is for Becca

Tears and lots of them. I’m happy, sad, anxious and relieved. My boss was amazing. I knew he would be.

Handing in my notice was massive for me. Work has been a huge part of my life for the past 13 years. Dare I say, the biggest part? My job became my identity and I fed from the long hours, increasing pressure, and promotions like an addict.

In the months after William was born I’d find myself daydreaming about work - leaving the house at 6:20am in my pencil dress and stilettos, walking up the stairs to my desk, coffee in hand, careful not to smudge my lipstick. Previously, my days were a mix of meetings, strategy planning, and building the most successful team. I loved talking about the fact we’d surpassed our annual target six months early and completing 10 year forecasts.

To those outside my close circle I’m seen as a confident, tenacious and headstrong woman who takes everything in her stride. Little do they know that I’m an introvert with a massive fear of failure, and I constantly worry about how I’m perceived by others. Life outside work had taken a back seat for years while I chased the dream of ‘more, more, more’ – dream home aged 25, five holidays per year, beautiful cars etc.

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Was it all enough though?

I knew the answer. I had for years. But it was too difficult to admit to myself. The pressure to go to university, to get a ‘good’ job and to be successful was overwhelming. Coming from a single parent family, I was all too aware of the fact that I had to do all of these things to protect myself.

But in doing all of this; getting the job, the promotions, the house and the cars, had I lost my true identity? I was living someone else’s life, chasing the corporate dream and being swept up by the belief that I was doing exactly what I should be. But I care more about making people happy than making people money. I care more about the wellbeing of the person sitting next to me than their KPIs.

Don’t get me wrong, I was blissfully happy. I just wasn’t being true to myself. I’d become a slave to the cycle so many of us find ourselves in.

Parenthood had brought all of this into sharp focus. Andrew was at the same juncture and asking the same questions. So we took a leap of faith, and that's when Vero was born.